by Amy Swartz
I want to watch the Oscars! I want to see Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie! and BARBRA STREISAND!!! All those famous people in one place trying to get along when they secretly want each other to lose so they can win. It’s exciting. All those people fighting over the same bone…
The problem is I can’t change the channel and I know Amy won’t watch the show. Ever since Life is Beautiful lost for best picture she doesn’t want to watch the Oscars. She doesn’t think the nominees and winners are fairly chosen. Like the guy who didn’t get a best director nomination…what’s his name? That’s how the Academy treated Ben Affleck – like an invisible guy. Being short, I know what it’s like to be overlooked. It can hurt.
Whomever ends up winning, I hope someone finally brings their dog to the show. Dogs are the best addition to any event. We’re fun, well behaved, and as honest at the day is long. If we don’t like someone they know it right away, but we mostly love everyone. I’m a little too old to go, but I hope I see another maltese or poodle there soon. Maybe provide a GREEN carpet too for the breaks.